Sometimes the hardest thing can be forgiving those who have hurt us, but it is what we need to do, not only because we are called to forgive, but because we need to for our own sanity, for peace.
The single moms retreat in May was amazing! It was our first annual retreat with such blessings for the 200+ single moms that showed up. They were treated to mini spa treatments, a boutique, good food, prizes and most of all speakers that lead us in the right direction.
The first talk was on forgiveness. As it ended I looked around the room and saw so many women just weeping. So many of us single moms struggle with anger. Not necessarily at the father of our children, but usually that is the reality. Anger/Bitterness is when we allow someones actions to take over our emotions. Sure they have hurt/betrayed us. They were in the wrong. (Usually) BUT it is our choice to allow it to fester in our lives.
I for one have experienced what anger can do in my life. For years I allowed my anger at my husband to keep me in a depression. I was miserable and would often find myself losing my temper. Once we separated, the anger literally took over my life, my brain, my heart. I have said before, but I really do not remember three years of my life because I was so angry. By allowing this anger to take control of my life, I found that I was angry at other people and things. My anger towards one man (The root) lead to all the branches of anger towards others in my life. The church for not supporting me, girlfriends for not being able to handle our separation, my family for not totally understanding, the government because I needed help and it was such a hard process, and many individuals for comments they would make when they did not know the whole situation. The fact is that I was taking things that would happen, things I had a right to be angry or hurt about, but the anger I felt was multiplied by 100 because I was so full of anger at him.
There is a big difference in being angry at someone in an unhealthy way, and being angry for the moment you need to be.
Here is an example:
Let's say that someone makes a choice that effects you. At the beginning of our separation I would ask my children's father to spend time with them. I used to get so angry that he wouldn't have time, for whatever reason. I would be angry for weeks, talking about it with each of my friends. Finally after yelling and fighting all the time, I heard God speak to me "Look at this as a blessing." So, now I do. Even when he calls to tell me he can't take our daughter because of a cold, I don't let it get to me. Sure I am upset at first. I only have 6-7 hours a week to get everything done, BUT I choose to look at it as more time with my sweet girl. I get upset for maybe 10 minutes and then I move on. That is healthy.... Holding it in for weeks is not healthy. Ask yourself, which way you handle the things that upset you? Is this how you want to live? What are you showing your children?
Here is a question... how many of you are in a place where you can SEE that you are doing this? We often don't realize that we are feeling/reacting this way until we are out of it. I can see what I was doing back then, but at the time I felt like I had every reason to feel that way towards everyone. We can not change a person, we can not force them to ask for our forgiveness, or even be repentant... but WE CAN CHANGE ourselves. We are responsible for our reactions to the offenses. But how do we change our reactions?
The key, the answer???? Forgiving the one person you need to forgive. Once you do that, God will give you a peace and understanding. He will wash the anger from you.
"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool"
I literally felt the anger washing out of my body. The peace just washed over me. Once you let the anger go, you will be able to start seeing clearly again. Don't get me wrong, it is NOT easy. It took me a long time to be able to forgive him. It is through a lot of prayer and willingness to let go that I was finally able to forgive. Having forgiveness in my heart for people who have hurt me or my family has changed my life. Am I perfect in this? No, not at all. It is a work in progress. :)
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