He IS my "Sure Shot"!

This was something God put on my moms heart one day.  She wrote this:

This was given to me on July 5, 2012
"From my kitchen window":
As I viewed out my kitchen window I noticed a couple of wasps gathering at the top of my outside table umbrella and then they disappeared into a tiny opening.  Fearing they would make their home within the folds of the underside of the umbrella, I thought if I opened it they would fly away and "plant" elsewhere.  Not so!  It was too late.  Already they (and their busy squadron) had already formed a sizable nest.  Determined to rid our umbrella of the threatening and feared possible stings as we would sit unsuspectingly beneath, I got out a can of wasp and hornet spray "Sure Shot" - "Kills on Contact" and blasted a steady stream directly aiming at the nest and swarming wasps.  Instantly the wasps dropped or flew away.

As I returned to my "inside retreat" watching again from my kitchen window - I noticed a few die hard wasps flying around the umbrella attempting to return to their nest, which was soaked in Sure Shot.  I thought, "those wasps are persistent - looking for another entrance - another option - but they were unsuccessful.  The Sure Shot was the distraction  to prevent the rebuilding of the nest.  As I experienced my wasp event I thought how similar the enemy Satan is!  He searches for the smallest entrance in our lives - and almost without noticing he enters and makes his residence within, gathering, building, causing havoc in our lives with unsuspecting skill and  harmful "stings" using - guilt, shame, unresolved anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, envy, jealousy, strife, creating his damaging effects in our lives.  The Lord, His Word, our faith, our praise and thankfulness to Him, our obedience to Him is our protection to keep a constant and continuous guard against the enemy and be our "Sure Shot" to prevent the enemy from entering or taking up residence within us. 

He IS my "Sure Shot"!

Eclectic Group of Friends

Yesterday I had a close friend say to me, "You have a eclectic group of friends."  She is so right! I love it.  The interesting thing is that there is a story behind it and God has truly blessed me in this area.

For years I struggled with feeling uncomfortable around people.  I think it was because my life was full of secret pain that I couldn't share.  My husband was my security blanket when we would go places. I thought I was an extreme introvert.  I would rather be at home alone than go somewhere with people.  It was painful to go to church on Sundays.  I would purposely plan to be late and want to leave as soon as it was over.

When my husband and I separated, I pulled away from most of our friends.  I was very lonely and needed people.  I search online and found a Divorce Care (best program ever!) at a local church.  I started going to the group and later began attending the church.  Through this I found amazing friends.  I can't imagine what my life would look like now if I didn't have those ladies in my life.  All of us were in similar situations - single moms trying to find a way to deal with life.  We healed together, supported each other, laughed and cried often.  (See previous post)

After four years, God started nudging me to go back to my home church.  You have got to be kidding!  I have talked about it before, so I will make this short....  I obeyed and God blessed me with more friends than I could ever imagine having!  And guess what... Many of them are married, and I love it!

We need single moms in our lives to be able to vent to, cry with, understand each other, support each other and pray together.  It is important.  No one can understand the heartache we feel when our children suffer from being in a single parent home, but another single mom.  HOWEVER, we need to surround ourselves with married women too.  One thing God laid on my heart when He was asking me to go back to my home church was that it wasn't good for my children growing up thinking that being in a single parent home was 'normal'.   Don't get upset that I just said that.... think about it.  If you are truly a Godly woman, then you know this is not what God wanted for our children, for us. It is not what God planned for us. I want my children to grow up seeing healthy marriages.  I want them to have healthy marriages!

So I obeyed and God took care of the rest. I can honestly tell you that these friendships fell into my life.  It was nothing short of a miracle!  These women accept me for who I am and love and support me.  I can share with them something I am going through, and they feel it with me, but mostly I find myself being me and focusing on me and my life.  Not the single mom life, the working mom life, or the many other lives I lead... but Julie's life.  Sure all that is part of it, but there are other parts of me too. Do you want to know the best part of it?  A coulpe of their husbands have taken a special interest in my little girl and make sure to give her some special attention.  Another husband checks on me and helps me with my car and has offered for me to sit with them on a Sunday morning.

I am sitting here feeling so overwhelmed by God's love in my life.  How He has truly taken care of me in what I needed.  Oh by the way, the funniest thing is I realized after all these years that I am 100% a true extrovert! Who knew?  Well, obviously God knew because he has surrounded me with more friends than I ever could have imagined!  I have my single moms - who are my rock, I have friends that I have had since I was young - who know me well and have been with me through thick and thin, and now I have this amazing group of married women - who treat me like I am just one of them... which I am!

I think that is the whole point.  It is so great to be just Julie and have a good time.  :)

Think about this... if this is a desire of your heart, or even if it isn't, pray about it.  Ask God to put friendships in your life that will benefit you and your children.

Why are kids so smart?

Today my seven year old asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks.  "Mommy, did you and daddy fight over who would keep me?"  What on earth???  How did she even know to ask that question?  Kids are so smart these days.  It is questions like these, that are a reminder of where I am in life, that are hard to answer.  I think I handled this one well though.  There was a part of me that wanted to blurt out something not so nice... But God helped me hold my tongue and be still for a moment while I thought of the appropriate answer.  This is what I said, "Well, that is an interesting question sweet.  Actually there was never a thought about who you would go with.  One of the wonderful things about your dad is that he puts your best interests first and he knows that I am a good mommy and that I am the best one for you to live with.  You it was never a question.  Do you realize how much your dad loves you?"  She got a big smile on her face and nodded.  That was all she needed.  I think she asked that because she wanted to see if her dad wanted her.  I could have crushed her spirit with the wrong answer.

This kind of goes with yesterdays post about showing my children their fathers love when I can.  :)  Today I handled it well, now for tomorrow!

My kids ARE different.

Today while hanging out with some friends, I was talking about how my older daughter strives to be a little different while my youngest daughter can't stand being different in any way.  She is only seven and already she worries about what others think of her and she wants to fit in so bad.  One of my sweet friends pointed out that she probably wants to feel the same because she must often feel different because her parents are divorced.  Wow... that hit me like a ton of bricks.  She is so right!

I remember last year watching my youngest tell a friend that her parents are divorced.  She looked at me with a slanted smile.  UGH my heart just broke into little pieces!  That is not what I wanted for my children.

Ok, but here is the deal... rather than sit and wallow in the fact that this is true and this isn't what I wanted, And trust me I so could, I want to think about a way I can help the situation.  How can I make it better for my little sweet girl right now.  I'm not one to say "Well, this is my life so I guess we are just going to have to deal with it" type of person.  If I want something bad enough, I try to figure out a way to make it work.

Here are a couple of things I thought of today that could help in my situation:
1.  Make time to have lunch with her at school and volunteer too.
2.  Be more active with other families - both single parents and married. (Some times I am so exhausted we just stay home and I know she feels like she is missing out on fun things.)
3.  Try to bring more of her dad into her life.  (This does not mean visits because I have tried to get him to see her more and he just can't for some reason, but by talking about him or drawing pictures for him, I can make him a bigger part of her life so she doesn't have to feel like he is hardly in it.)

Any other ideas?
I am determined to make a better life for my children.  I don't want them to feel like they are in a struggling single mom home.  Granted we are....especially sometimes... but being a parent isn't about money or things.  It is about enjoying life together and there is plenty we can do to make life good for our kids.

Tithing

Ok ladies... I am challenging all of you to start tithing with me.  I have been tithing on and off for the last six years.  Sometimes more off than on, to be honest!

But God provides when we obey Him and when I tithe my finances are so much easier to handle and when I don't I struggle with anxiety.  God is faithful!  This week God performed nothing less than a miracle in my finances!  A pure miracle!  I cried out to Him on Monday and then on Tuesday there was unexpected money in my account to cover exactly what I needed!  He hears our cries.  He answers our prayers.  I am going to be a good steward of my money and honor what He has blessed me with.  I find that when I tithe, I am not as tempted to spend where I shouldn't, struggle financially, and money comes out of nowhere when needed.

Let's make a pact that we will tithe from all of our income for the next six months and then let's share our testimonies!

Who is with me?

The Holy Spirit

On June 30th the devotional, Jesus Calling, has an entry that spoke exactly what God has been showing me this year.  Inviting the Holy Spirit to be a part of us on a daily basis is how we can be in tune to God's will for us minute by minute.  That gut feeling you get sometimes?  That is the Holy Spirit.  I have been learning to ask God to fill me with the Holy Spirit so that I can be the best Godly woman, mother, I can be.  God guides me daily.  Having the Holy Spirit in my life has helped me resist temptations and to know when I need to change something in my life.

Sometimes I think we forget about the Holy Spirit and focus on God and Jesus.  But it is the trinity that we are rewarded when we ask Jesus into our heart and lives.

As single moms, we don't have that partner to help us raise our children.  I have heard many people say that God can fill our missing pieces in our lives... and I get that, however I am not going to sit here and act like because I have God in my life, that I don't have lonely times, or with I had someone to cuddle with or even share ideas with.  It is so much easier to raise children when there are two minds coming together to figure out what to do.  Well, having the Holy Spirit in my life is helping me in that area.  The Holy Spirit shows me how to raise my children, gives me peace when I am on the right track and gives me a sign when I am not. Think about this.

Jesus Calling - June 30th
I am the Truth: the One who came to set you free. As the Holy Spirit controls your mind and actions mor fully, you become free in Me. You are increasingly released to become the one I created you to be.  This is a work that I do in you as you yield to My Spirit. I can do My best handiwork when you sit in the stillness of My Presence, focusing your entire being on Me. 

Let My thoughts burst freely upon your consciousness, stimulating abundant Life. I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. As you follow Me, I lead you along paths of newness: ways you have never imagined. Don't worry about what is on the road up ahead. I want you to find your security in knowing Me, the One who died to set you free.


"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32


For it is God who works in you to will and to act according t His good purpose. Philippians 2:13

Forgiving our Enemy(s)

Sometimes the hardest thing can be forgiving those who have hurt us, but it is what we need to do, not only because we are called to forgive, but because we need to for our own sanity, for peace.

The single moms retreat in May was amazing!  It was our first annual retreat with such blessings for the 200+ single moms that showed up.  They were treated to mini spa treatments, a boutique, good food, prizes and most of all speakers that lead us in the right direction.

The first talk was on forgiveness. As it ended I looked around the room and saw so many women just weeping.  So many of us single moms struggle with anger.  Not necessarily at the father of our children, but usually that is the reality.  Anger/Bitterness is when we allow someones actions to take over our emotions.  Sure they have hurt/betrayed us.  They were in the wrong. (Usually) BUT it is our choice to allow it to fester in our lives.

I for one have experienced what anger can do in my life.  For years I allowed my anger at my husband to keep me in a depression. I was miserable and would often find myself losing my temper.  Once we separated, the anger literally took over my life, my brain, my heart.  I have said before, but I really do not remember three years of my life because I was so angry.  By allowing this anger to take control of my life, I found that I was angry at other people and things.  My anger towards one man (The root) lead to all the branches of anger towards others in my life.  The church for not supporting me, girlfriends for not being able to handle our separation, my family for not totally understanding, the government because I needed help and it was such a hard process, and many individuals for comments they would make when they did not know the whole situation.  The fact is that I was taking things that would happen, things I had a right to be angry or hurt about, but the anger I felt was multiplied by 100 because I was so full of anger at him.

There is a big difference in being angry at someone in an unhealthy way, and being angry for the moment you need to be.

Here is an example:
Let's say that someone makes a choice that effects you.  At the beginning of our separation I would ask my children's father to spend time with them.  I used to get so angry that he wouldn't have time, for whatever reason.  I would be angry for weeks, talking about it with each of my friends. Finally after yelling and fighting all the time, I heard God speak to me "Look at this as a blessing."  So, now I do.  Even when he calls to tell me he can't take our daughter because of a cold, I don't let it get to me. Sure I am upset at first.  I only have 6-7 hours a week to get everything done, BUT I choose to look at it as more time with my sweet girl.  I get upset for maybe 10 minutes and then I move on.  That is healthy....  Holding it in for weeks is not healthy.  Ask yourself, which way you handle the things that upset you?  Is this how you want to live?  What are you showing your children?

Here is a question... how many of you are in a place where you can SEE that you are doing this?  We often don't realize that we are feeling/reacting this way until we are out of it.  I can see what I was doing back then, but at the time I felt like I had every reason to feel that way towards everyone.  We can not change a person, we can not force them to ask for our forgiveness, or even be repentant... but WE CAN CHANGE ourselves.  We are responsible for our reactions to the offenses.  But how do we change our reactions?

The key, the answer????  Forgiving the one person you need to forgive.  Once you do that, God will give you a peace and understanding.  He will wash the anger from you.

"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord.  "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool"

I literally felt the anger washing out of my body.  The peace just washed over me. Once you let the anger go, you will be able to start seeing clearly again.  Don't get me wrong, it is NOT easy.  It took me a long time to be able to forgive him.  It is through a lot of prayer and willingness to let go that I was finally able to forgive.  Having forgiveness in my heart for people who have hurt me or my family has changed my life.  Am I perfect in this? No, not at all.  It is a work in progress. :)