Changing My Attitude

So many amazing things have happened in the last few month.  God has been so present and real to me and others, it has been just what I needed to see His strength.  So why am I in such a funk now?  I struggle with just feeling so depressed.  I think some of it has to do with being burnt out (I did just go over seas, help plan a retreat for 200 women, left my girl for 2 weeks and graduated from school with my AA degree)  I guess I had a lot on my plate!!!

However, I think more than that, I am just really sad and a little bitter right now.  I am working almost full time, my daughter is in daycare four days a week and I have little money to do the things I wish I could do with her.  I have rearranged my work schedule so that I can work while my daughter's dad has her on Sundays, which is great except I have lost all my time that I have to myself to prepare for the week.  I see on Facebook that other moms are going to the beach, park, zoo and pool with their children and it breaks my heart.  I want to do that.  My whole like I have wanted to be a mom and enjoy my children.  And up to this point I have!  I loved being home and taking care of them, playing with them, watching them grow.  It was what I was called to do. 

I never in a million years would have thought that I would be working and putting my seven year old in daycare four days a week.  I have to be honest... I hate it.  It has knocked me off my feet this summer. 

So how do I move past this?  If I stay in this funk I am going to ruin my summer and my kids summer.

The last two weeks have been great sermons at our church.  I love the summer sermons because we have different speakers every week and they talk about 'The One Thing' they would like to tell us.  Last week was Ryan Skoog and he shared about being happy.  Why aren't we happy?  We are going to live in eternity!  Jesus is in our hearts!  We should be Joyful not complaining!  Yesterday Tom Truszinski spoke on living with Godliness and contentment.  Both taught how we need to be thankful for what God has done.  Focus on the positives, not the negatives.  (You can hear both of these on Cedar Valley's website: www.cvchurch.org)

So this is my focus this week:

1. I am more that thankful/grateful that Sabrina has the best daycare worker in the world.  A woman who truly loves her and appreciates her personality. 
2. I am thankful for two jobs that are flexible and understand that my children are my first priority.  I can call in if my kids need me without feeling guilty.
3. I am thankful God has blessed me to work jobs that can pay my bills.  He has always taken care of me financially... even when I don't know how we are going to make it.
4. I am thankful for finding an amazing house to rent where my landlord does my yard work!
5. I am thankful that I have kids that I love and that love me too.  (Happy Family)
6. I am thankful that I can afford a pool pass so I can do my favorite thing - swim.

If you think about it, please pray for me in the upcoming weeks....  I am determined to not let this get me down any further.  I think it shows that there are definitely ups and downs to being a single mom.  We have to acknowledge our disappointments and let ourselves feel our pain because it is REAL, but we do NOT have to live in that pain.  We can pray to a God who will help us remember what we have to be grateful for and we can live in that!  Praise God!