Love my life

Can you say that?  It is an interesting question.  Because if you really think about it, this is not the life you would have chosen.  What little girl aspires to be a single mom when they grow up?  If they do they have no idea what it really means!  This isn't what I wanted for my life.  This isn't what I wanted for my children's life.  BUT I can find a new happiness within this life.  I refuse to be bitter and sulk for the rest of my life because this isn't what I want.

I am not going to lie, it has taken hard work physically and emotionally to get to a place where I can honestly say I am happy.  I had to work through forgiveness with my ex, bitterness towards God, get rid of the guilt I had toward myself and trust in God to move past all this.  I have been separated from my ex for six years now (divorce for 1 year) and this is the first year that I feel completely whole and happy again.  Sometimes I just focus on the freedom I feel.  The freedom of not being in a bad marriage and having to live with that day after day.  Now I can focus on my kids and what mom out there doesn't love to do that?

I have also found things that make me happy to put in my life.  I have found jobs that I like, which helps a lot.  I wish I didn't have to work, I loved being an at home mom.  But I do have to work, so I found jobs that work with my schedule (around my kids) and that I like.  I have also gotten involved in things that I am passionate about.  When you volunteer your time, you can't help but feel good about yourself.  You are doing good for others, not just wallowing in your self pity.  It feels so good.

The other thing I do is have many dates with my children.  I play with them.  It is hard because we are beyond busy now.  But it is the most important thing I do.  My children need uninterrupted time with me.  No phone, Facebook, TV... just time with me.  I love it and they love it.  And it truly keeps my thoughts in perspective of what is important.

The last thing to think about, and the thing I could not be happy without is God.  What God has done for me these last few years is enough to make me dance with joy.  He has truly taken care of me in so many ways that I can't even tell you.  When I think about what He has done for me, little ol' me, I am happy.  I am happy that He thinks I am worth all that He is giving me.  If God finds me worth all this, then I must be, right?  I now look at myself through His eyes instead of through my ex's eyes, or even my own eyes.  What a difference!  He doesn't see all my mistakes.  He sees me, for who I am through Him.  What a blessing this is in my life!

I am truly happy. I hope you can find happiness too.