Dating as a Single Mom

This is a tough subject and you may not like what I have to say, but I do believe I am right on this...

The first thing we feel when we separate from our ex is lonely, despair, anger, sadness, regret, and so many other emotions I can't even begin to name them all.  I am sure you have felt at least some of these if you have gone through a divorce.  Our marriages were hard, and our lives were filled with holes because of some needs that were not being met.  It is our nature to want to find something or someone to fill those holes/needs that have been growing inside us for years and years.  I found myself longing for things that I did not receive from my ex, and if I hadn't used my wisdom, I could have gone down a terrible path with that.

It's a long story but shortly after my separation a man accidentally sent a text to the wrong number.  Through that, we began a friendship and started talking on the phone.  I was so excited.  Someone was interested in me.  He had even seen pictures of me and thought I was attractive.  Feelings I hadn't felt in a very long time came over me.  The problem?  I knew he wasn't what I would want for me and especially for my children. The man was a rapper for crying out loud!  I don't even like rap.  We were from two completely different worlds.  What was I thinking?  Well, I was starving for some affection, for someone to be 'into' me, I wanted a man in my life.

I thank God that I was wise enough to end it before I made a bad mistake.  I never met him, and for that I am so proud of myself.  (He wanted to meet me)  I will be honest.... one day my son said to me, "Mom, how come you talk to this guy past the curfew you allow us to talk?"  I had a curfew of when my kids could talk to the opposite sex.  MAN!  That was a slap across the face for me!  Remember old movies when someone was out of it and a person would slap them across the face and it would bring them back to reality?  This was my slap in the face.  What on earth was I doing?  I had high expectations for my children, why didn't I for myself?

Well, now I do.  Here are a few things I think are VERY important when considering dating:

1. Are you healed from the wounds of your past relationship(s) - I mean really healed.  We will never be happy we are divorced, but is there forgiveness there?  Are you at a place where you can say, "My life is good right now"? You need to be happy and content with life, with your life before you can bring someone else into it.  A man is not going to fulfill your longing to be happy, you need to find that within yourself - through God.
   
2. Are you kids healed from the wounds of your divorce?  This is a hard one, but so important.  In my opinion no one has any business dating when their children are still going through devastation over the divorce.  Now I know that our kids will never get over the fact that they are from a broken home, and in my caseI don't think my children will ever not have issues with their father, but are they ok with where I am at?  Are they in a good place emotionally about the divorce?  That is what I mean by that.  We have to let them heal!  I am shocked at how many people I know have started dating before their divorce is even final.  What is that teaching our children?  When we are divorced, our children now are first... not us. Think hard about what it will do to them and how they will feel about it.
   
3. Are you in a place where your life is good and you don't NEED a man?  You don't want to be out looking for a man to fill all the holes in your life.  You want to find a partner to go through life with.  What are you bringing to a man?  What do you have to offer?  Be in a place where you are confident in who you are and what you have to offer this man.
   
4. Make a list of what you want in a man BEFORE you start dating.  This is so important.  Ladies, we have been in a bad marriage/relationship already.  I, for one, don't ever want to be in another relationship with so much hurt and pain again.  I would rather be alone.  My list has things that my ex didn't have to offer, but it also has things that I want for my children.  I want a good example for them.

Recently I joined a dating site.  I have talked to a couple of men.... but what I realized right now is that I am happy and content with my life. I cancelled my subscription.  God is in control of my life, when He thinks I am ready, He will show me the man He wants for me.  That is the right way to live ladies!