Friendships

When my ex and I first separated, I lost several friends.  It was heartbreaking.  Some of it was me.  I pulled away because I felt so alone, like people didn't understand where I was.  Being a Christian especially can be very hard because other Christians don't necessarily support people when they separate, no matter what the reason. The loneliest feeling is feeling like you are all alone and no one understands what you are going through.

I think sometimes people don't know what to say, or they are afraid if they 'get' what is going on it could happen to them (I actually had a friend tell me that), or they are so stuck in their right vs. wrong mentality that they can't see what the actual situation is.  You can't blame them for that really... I would have been like that possibly if I hadn't been through my divorce.  I don't know if I would have understood one of my friends going through that before.

I was so lonely and so depressed.  I felt like I had lost everything.  My ex's friends would gather around him, take him to dinner and a movie.  My girlfriends couldn't 'deal' with it, so they didn't know how to talk to me.  I went online and found a DivorceCare group.  Best decision I could have ever made!  I wasn't even sure we were going to get divorced at the time, but I needed other people around me who understood what I was going through.

Within the first couple of weeks I met a woman who was going through similar things I was.  We connected and I knew God gave me a new friend.  Soon after we made other friends too.  Oh my God blessed me!  These ladies were able to stand by me and help me through one of the most difficult times in my life!  No one ever pushed me to divorce my ex, they would all call me on things that I did that I needed to work on, they let me be angry, but gently told me it wasn't a good place to be and they supported me when I tried to reconcile and then when I finally chose divorce.

Those are good friends!  Any time you are going through something that makes you feel alone, you need to find at least one other person who understands or gets what you are feeling.  Pray that God puts someone in your life. I did and Donna was placed in that group next to me on a specific day.  We connected about our kids, but our situations were similar.  She later reconciled with her husband and I later divorced mine.  But that isn't what our friendship was about.  It was about healing, working through our pain, listening to God and being there for each other.

My group of friends is still so important to me.  We have all moved past the 'going through a divorce' stage of our lives.  A couple of them are remarried, or reconciled with their ex's, a couple of us are still single, but we are all in a better place.  We made it this far because we had each other.

I hope that anyone reading this can find a friend or friends to go through their hard times with.  It makes such a difference!

I would like to dedicate this post to my wonderful friends Donna, Dana, Faye, Rachel and Semina.